Relationship anxiety is a fear or an uneasy feeling that spoils the most euphoric experience of your life, falling in love with someone. Yes, love feelings are the dreamy dates and sweet nothings that can create butterflies in your heart and mind. Life seems as beautiful as heaven when you are in love but there’s a side of love that is not talked about as much. These are the fearful feelings that make you realize that something isn’t right in your relationship or something can crash down all these beautiful dreams.
These insecure feelings create relationship anxiety that can sneak into your relationship, no matter how strong or stable it is. However, you can bring ease to relationship anxiety by recognizing the signs and understanding how to navigate the causes of such feelings.
What is Relationship Anxiety?
A persistent worry or nervousness in a romantic relationship is known as relationship anxiety.
It refers to those feelings of doubt, stress, and insecurity that pop up in a relationship and ruin its beauty, even if everything is going well. Love someone is a common phenomenon that can manifest to varying degrees. It is normal at stat and you have butterflies in your stomach but after some time, when the fluttering starts to return into a constant state of depression, it becomes a problem. Becoming anxious at the small point of your relationship can manifest as a need for reassurance, a racing heart, and chronic overthinking. Relationship anxiety can ruin the beauty of your relationship and it instantly turns your joy into distress and fear, affecting not just your partner but also the whole relationship.
Therefore, it is considered necessary to save a love relationship, partners should understand the fine line between everyday concerns and excessive worry. Everyday worries come and go but consistent anxiety can cause disaster. In this article, you will learn to recognize and address this disaster to maintain a balanced and resilient relationship.
Is Relationship Anxiety a Normal Thing?
When you’re in a relationship with a great person who you love, you develop trust, learn each other’s communication styles, and establish boundaries. But if you find yourself;f constantly questioning yourself about your relationship or your partner, this may lead to relationship anxiety. This insecure feeling is common especially in those people who have extreme and intense feelings of love for their partner. Anxious people often worry if this person is right for them or if their partner is hiding some dark secrets from them.
Experts say that this constant worry is common and due to this anxiety phase, you may become unable to maintain a healthy and committed relationship.
Most experts consider it a normal thing. Some people experience anxiety at the start of their relationship when they are not completely familiar with them.
Psychotherapists suggest that long-term relationship anxiety can lead to:
- Lack of motivation.
- Stomach upset and other physical issues.
- Emotional distress.
- Emotional exhaustion or fatigue.
Sometimes, anxiety may not result from anything in the relationship itself but it can lead to behaviors that can create distance between you and your partner.
Alarming signs of Relationship Anxiety
Relationship anxiety appears in different forms. For example, it may be in the form of a little insecurity about your relationship at some point, especially in the early days of dating. This is a normal phenomenon in which people generally feel concerned about passing doubts or fears at the start of a relationship. But don’t let these anxious thoughts grow and creep into your relationship.
Here are some signs of relationship anxiety to be on the lookout for. You should not overlook or misinterpret these signs but you need to acknowledge them as the first step to navigating your relationship.
Doubting the Other Person’s Feelings
Everything in a relationship is a sign of anxiety. It is good to think about your partner in a good manner but if you or your partner start to doubt or question each other and their feelings or commitment to the relationship, this can cause distress and spillage of the relationship.
Need Frequent Reassurances
The need for constant affirmation and reassurance from one partner can be a prominent sign of anxiety. However, asking for occasional assurance especially after a fight is normal. When someone needs it constantly, this is an alarming sign.
Wondering If You Matter to Your Partner
This is the most common expression of anxiety in a relationship that is associated with some underlying questions, like, “Do I matter to my partner?” or “Are they happy with me?”Experts say that feeling secure and connected with your partner is a fundamental need of a good partnership.
Sometimes, a lack of confidence or insecure feelings compels you to think that:
- Your partner is only with you because of what you can do for them.
- Your partner may not miss you if you’re not around them.
- Your partner may not support you when you are in difficulty.
People Pleasing
When one of the partners wants to be made happy by the other one the other may feel anxious about the relationship because this urge to make one partner happy surpasses the other’s own needs and boundaries. This creates relationship anxiety and can lead to codependent behaviors that can spoil your relationship.
Looking for Problems
Sometimes a partner always deciphers hidden meaning in every word or action, the other partner does or says. This thing can make the other exhausted. A lack of trust can ruin your relationship because trust is paramount in the relationship. This type of behavior indicates relationship anxiety.
Worrying more than Enjoying the Relationship
Feeling nervous or continuous worry can disrupt your relationship’s beauty. When a partner always remains worried it dominates their mind and this worried behavior overshadows the joy of both. This can cause unnecessary relationship anxiety that should be reevaluated.
Fear of Abandonment
Sometimes, one of the partners gets stuck into a fear that the other partner will leave. This thinking can be debilitating and is an alarming indication of relationship anxiety. It is very important to recognize such signs so that you may tune into your real feelings. When You’re in a relationship, keep in mind that your partnership is just about understanding and acknowledging each other’s feelings, addressing the emotions, and steering away from undermining, judging, or avoiding your partner.
Sabotaging Your Relationship
The sabotaging behaviors eradicate the lovely roots of your relationship. You may not do such things intentionally but whether you want or not, you’re sabotaging behavior that makes your partner disappointed and they, eventually, lose their interest in the relationship.
Common examples of things that can sabotage your relationship include:
- Testing your relationship boundaries, such as going for a hangout with your ex, without telling your partner.
- Arguing with your partner on ordinary things.
- Avoiding them by saying everything is OK, when you’re in stress.
- However, if they still stick to you, they prove that they love you. However according to studies, it is very difficult for someone to discern your underlying motive.
Causes of Relationship Anxiety
There is, often, not a single clear cause behind the relationship anxiety. However, identifying the real cause behind the ruining of your relationship can help you save your partnership for a long time. Identifying the cause of anxiety in a relationship is a time-consuming procedure and you might even have a hard time identifying potential causes on your own.
Studies suggest that in most cases people are not aware of a reason for anxiety but whatever the reason, the main cause is generally a longing for a strong connection.
Here are some factors that usually play a role:
Experience of a Previous Relationship
Memories always affect your present. Similarly, in a relationship most of the conflicts or disputes come due to your bad experiences of the past. You may experience more relationship anxiety than your ex had:
- Mislead you about the nature of your relationship.
- Cheated on you.
- Lied about their feelings for you.
- Dodged you unexpectedly.
It is indeed very difficult to place trust in someone again after you’ve been dodged. You may feel helpless in pushing away the negative thoughts about your new partner, even if they don’t show any signs of dishonesty or manipulation.
Low Self-Esteem
This is a major cause that creates insecurity and anxiety in your relationship. Studies suggest that people with low self-esteem are more likely to doubt their partner’s feelings because they are doubting their feelings. This may happen as a type of projection.
In addition, when you feel disappointed due to your feelings, you might think that your partner feels the same way about you. On the other hand, people with high levels of self-esteem tend to affirm themselves through their relationships whenever they experience any self-doubt.
Attachment Style
Most people develop their attachment style from their childhood. Your attachment style plays a crucial role in your relationship’s longevity. If your partner is a quick caregiver and responds to your affections immediately, you may feel more satisfied and develop a strong attachment with high levels of sense of security. But if they don’t fulfill your emotional needs or let you develop your attachment style, independently, you may feel insecure. Here are some examples of how attachment style ruins your relationship:
- Anxious attachment results in doubts and fears about the unexpected leaving of your partner.
- Avoidant attachment can cause anxiety about the level of commitment you’re making.
How to Cope with Relationship Anxiety?
Everyone is interested in learning about the tips that can help overcome such feelings that cause anxiety in a relationship. Experts generally prefer couple’s therapy if the relationship is really strong and free of doubts but some other therapies like personal therapies are also beneficial. Here are some tips to cope with your relationship anxiety and they really work. Try them!
Couples Therapy
Research suggests that talking therapies are best for this purpose. Different helping therapies include:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy.
- Imago relationship therapy.
- Discernment counseling.
However, studies also support Accelerated Resolution therapy, Dialectical Behavior therapy, Individual therapy, and Reprocessing therapy to help in this regard.
Try Being More Mindful
This technique involves your focus on what’s going around you in your present moment without any judgment. So whenever you’re stuck in negative thoughts try to let them move on. Mindfulness practices will help you to prioritize your day-to-day experience with your partner.
Preserve Your Individuality
It is a common experience that when you’re in a relationship, your independence and some crucial parts of your personality shift to accommodate your partner and the relationship. It is a sign that you’re ready to live with another person. But the problem is caused when you lose yourself completely and lose your individuality.
Don’t be Impulsive
Never try to prove to yourself that everything is OK. It’s normal to want to assure yourself but you should avoid finding the proof in a way that can ruin you and your relationship. Avoid acting on your impulse. Focus on the differences between your impulsive behavior and usual actions. For example, texting every few hours is a typical thing that helps maintain a constant connection between you and your partner but sending a bunch of texts in a short period can lead to conflict. Therefore, it is suggested to trust yourself and make a concerted effort to disregard worries without basis.
Conclusion
All relationships are uncertain and have an end. This is hard to accept but this is the reality of life. When you don’t feel as connected to life as you’d like, you need to control your relationship anxiety. Many therapies can help remove anxiety from your relationship, you just need to focus and identify the reason for relationship anxiety that is ruining the beauty of your love partnership. These therapies can help you feel better. You can also avail of professional support if your relationship anxiety has become unmanageable.
However, studies say that it is impossible to avoid all relationship anxiety but you can overcome it by following some tips mentioned in this article. Last but not least, seeking assistance from a therapist can help overcome your anxiety and foster a healthier and happier relationship as well.
